The Bottle

The distance grows

Time apart seems like death

Knowing that the space will spread

Until the gap becomes a black hole

Feeling as though the tunnel is too long

Too far

To reach you

Yelling out your name

An echo my only answer

Throwing out a lifeline

Filled with love

And hope

Begging you to grab it

In order to save you from

Your lonely solitude of depression and despair

But the bottle

Battles me each day

Taking you further and further into the blackness

I don’t know how long I can hold on

Without eventually following you into the abyss

In order to be with you

If it’s the only way to hold you.

 

Sexy? Hell yeh!

Reading a woman’s rag mag is quite an eye-opener  and being a woman I thought I had the whole woman thing figured out. Come to find out I know squat about being a real woman. I discovered I was so far out of the loop that I almost wasn’t a woman.

Here’s a list of the finer points of being a woman that educated me.

Women over forty ARE SEXY! Who knew? And dammit, all this time I’d been thinking wrinkles, creases, saggage and stubbornness were turn-offs. Come to find out a lot of men are excited by a woman that has some life experience and isn’t afraid to show her true self. In fact, it seems to take the pressure off of them to not be so concerned about how they look.

Alpha women are the new alpha male. An independent woman who can take care of herself, is assertive, aggressive and opinionated seems to be a much sought after trait. And it only took fifty shades of grey to proof it.

That a woman’s body is her temple…she just needs to know how to accessorize it properly.

with a sheet

a scarf

and of course…a pair of wings.

Make-up is now done in a way that it needs to look like we’re not even wearing make-up…despite the layers we put on to make it look that way.

Exercise is still one of the healthiest ways to stay young. Just stay away from gyms where young people go.

But if forty is considered sexy, damn what the hell is sixty gonna be? So friggin’ excited! I’m gonna rock my independence by wearing what I feel like…

throw away my make-up and dance the night away…

Yeh…it’s gonna be good.

 

 

 

 

Two Doors

~This was written by my daughter. 

By Allison New

 

In the moment of death, she closed her eyes. When she opened them, she stood before two black doors, in an empty room.

As she stared, knowingly at the doors, a warm presence came to her. He asked which door she would chose.

She knew without question, that one door would lead to Heaven and the other to Hell. There were no distinctive markings; there was no indication as to which eternity she would walk into as she passed through her ominous door.

Her mind raced, she tried to remember every good and bad thing she had done in life. She weighed the choices she had made, the words she had said, and the things she had done. In her mind she placed her Earthly life onto a scale. As it moved back and forth, she felt a growing fear in the pit of her stomach. The scale was leaning towards the darkness.

She had failed, she was going to Hell. She couldn’t go back. She couldn’t change her past.

She turned to the Angel standing next to her. Tears pouring from her eyes.

“I tried to be good. I tried to be kind. I did my best.”

The Angel stood still, his eyes deep, and unwavering.

She fell to the floor, where she cowered, and trembled in fear of what was to come.

Finally, the Angel spoke, “You must open your door.”

She tried to stand, but fell, she looked to the Angel for help; but he had left.

This was her moment, she was alone.

She crawled and dragged her tired body across the floor. Her eyes fixed on her door. Her heart was broken and empty.

Her soul was screaming.

She reached for the cold, brass door knob, and pulled herself up.

As she began to turn the door knob, she thought of her children and the happiness they brought to her life. In her last moment of peace, she thought of their smiles and heard their sweet voices one more time.  With her last bit of strength she pushed the door open, and fell.

She fell into the arms of the Angel, and was enveloped into love.

She cried out with fear and joy.

She knew instantly that the man before her was no Angel; this was the son of God.

She looked into the eyes of her savior and saw the face of the Lord.

She wept into his arms, “I thought I was damned. I thought I would burn.”

He looked to her and said, “You did not deny me on Earth, nor shall I deny you in Heaven. I gave my life, so you would live, and you shall live with me for all eternity.”

Portrait of Lies

your eyes see a picture of perfection

but buried beneath the beautiful

package is something outside the truth

secrets, lies, deception

all tumble over one another

in a wildly beating heart

a heart panicked at discovery

and the inevitable destination

of a life carefully crafted

a smile tricked out at the corners

speaks of a lover kept secret

eyes gazing into a memory of

citrusy bedrooms and paisley bedspreads

where two bodies writhe in desperate abandon

chasing away lost hope and daily drudgery

looking to find a past youth

and forgotten excitement

but ends with guilt weighing heavily

as true love smiles tenderly

from a portrait of perfection.

 

From my book:

Enough…

Ehhh….

It just ain’t worth it.

 

 

The Biggest Hurt

I sit with a beer  in one hand, a cigarette in the other

I watch the cars drive by, on their way to where?

Home? Walmart? Work?

In a hurry, worried about how to make the rent

The mortgage, if their wives, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriend

Are gonna be pissy or happy.

Are they gonna get laid or shut out?

My thoughts are of you.

I drink to forget you.

Drink to forget me.

How we can’t be in the same room with one another

Without wanting to be together.

About how when it’s over, you can just leave

without another thought of me

Until your loins burn and your gut hungers for my touch

My lips, my mouth.

Then you think of me

Your needs, your desires.

How you can’t think of anything until you’re

With me.

You say you can’t love, I believe that

But I can

And that’s the biggest hurt of all.

 

Let It In

I’ve waited and waited for you to see me

See that I’m worth it

That I have so much to give

So much to offer

But you don’t want it

Don’t need it

You’d rather be alone

Rather be on your own

Don’t want to trust anyone

Don’t want to give your heart

Afraid to give up your independence

In order to share your life with another

I can’t keep trying to convince you

That I don’t want to hurt you

That I don’t want to change you

That I don’t want to own you

What’s the alternative?

Alone, distrustful, bitter, angry

You could have so much more

If you’d only open the door

And let your heart walk thru

To the open arms on the other side

And let them wrap around you

Let you see that love is nothing to be afraid of

In the end it really is all you need

 

 

 

 

 

A Vision of Peace

My brother comes to me in a dream

And speaks to my heart

The silence penetrates the stillness

A mist-like fog swallows my body

My arms outstretched

But I touch nothing

A feathery lightness grazes my shoulder

Then is gone

A quiet whisper and a playful breeze

Gently lifts my hair

But I see nothing

A soft caress trails across my arm

Giving me a sense of something known

But forgotten

A feeling of trust overwhelms

A shadowy face appears

A well-loved smile shines

Through the haze

The voice

Tells me my worries

Can be put aside

His soul is at peace

His diseased body

Now left behind

His mind is at ease

My anxieties fade away

My brother is finally free

 

From my book:

 

The Journey

Tears of sadness are a river that turns into an ocean.

A smile that lifts only at the corners when asked, “How are you doing?”

Lies behind the smile that answers, “I’m fine.”

Questions bounce through her head.

Love, why has it gone? Where did it go?

Yesterday they were together, they had loved so deeply.

Listening to the radio, every song reminding her of him.

Screaming as the pain rips into her soul. Their love was supposed to last forever.

Alone in their bed. His warmth just a memory.

Facing the truth. Their needs were not the same. They could never have been forever.

Learning to love herself, to find who she was, to live on her own terms.

Tears of release and peace.

Full circle she has come.

 

 

From my book:

It’s Just Love

It doesn’t have to be said

It doesn’t have to be written

Words are just words.

 

It’s a touch

A hug

An embrace

 

A caress

A look

 

It’s listening

Confiding

Understanding

 

It’s giving

Without taking

 

It’s simply being

And knowing

That you don’t have to be together,

To be together.

 

It’s not that hard to love.

Because it just is.